My Way or the Highway

And now the end is near

And I must face the consequences

But, oh! I feel so weak

You must be my amanuensis.

I planned the party well

I met them all upon the stairway

But, once they were inside,

They did it my way.

Replies, I had a few,

But I invited more than forty.

When only half turned up

The words I used were rather naughty!

Poor hubby nearly choked-

A peanut trapped inside his airway.

He coughed it up at last

And fired it my way.

But what’s in this drink? It tastes like snot

And that Madras is far too hot!

You need to go; I’ve had enough

And, if you lot don’t like it, tough!

You’ve had your scoff, now bugger off

And hit the highway!

First published in ‘Star Tips for Writers’

Life’s Little Pleasures

The first teabag from a brand new box

Finding a pair of matching socks

A cut and colour on your greying locks

A great big latte in your favourite caff

Meeting friends and having a laugh

Skimming stones on the river Taff

Apple pie with custard hot

Scraping the last of the chutney pot

Counting how much change you’ve got

Singing with the Sunday choir

Snuggling up before the fire

Trying on some new attire

Going to see your favourite band

Holidays for so long planned

Waiting for the plane to land

A new book from your favourite scribe

Still some wine left to imbibe

Finished poems to transcribe

Chocolate as a Friday treat

Fluffy slippers on your feet

Cupboard full of food to eat

Scented candles in each room

Lamplight low to chase the gloom

Chasing spiders with a broom

Telly on and curtains drawn

Crocuses invade the lawn

First light of a summer dawn

Family is reunited

Easter, children so excited

Ringo Starr has just been knighted.

Poetry magazines sent by post

Marmalade on buttered toast

A refund when you need it most

Plenty of money in your purse

Feeling at one with the universe

Signing off on the final verse

First published in ‘Star Tips For Writers,’

Friday Night Picture Show

Typical Good Friday weather, the end of the world,

and darkness covers the land. The boy has a birthday

so haste we hence to Showcase Nantgarw,emporium

of enchantment and purveyor of pleasures and popcorn.

Thanksgiving dinner, sunshine breakfast, buttery salted

insubstantial delight, toffee poppets in breathtakingly

bigly bucket. Pop and the Chocs for we, smuggled

in deep, dark, linty pockets, capacious handbags

to make a lady Bracknell proud. ‘Three adults

for Black Panther.’ Silly moo that I am

forgot the discount card! That’s six quid wasted!

Ah, so what? Minted millionaires (not) are we.

Suck it up, move on. Tickets clipped, shuffle along

blue, purple, golden patchwork quilted carpet.

The chamber of son et lumière is inside number 9.

Blimey, mister! It’s dark in here! We feel our way

upon that gentle incline, and thence to shallow stairway

to Heaven, argue about who gets the aisle, and who

gets to sit by Number One Son, so seldom here.

I lose. Whatever. Phone on silent, cola, chocs and

hankies in position. Then ‘Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

ba ba ba,ba ba ba ba ba ba ba baaaaaa BA!’

The ads are almost as good

as the filum. ‘For future presentation.’ I’ll give that one

a miss, and that, and that, Oh! That looks good!

A hush descends, except for munching mandibles

and we beam up, Scottie, to Moons of Magic

at the last Friday Night Picture Show

in wet and windy Wales.

Her Birthday

It’s time we went

To Oxford where our daughter lives.

It’s time we went.

We’ve something special to present.

I hope she’ll like the gift we give.

Departure is imperative;

It’s time we went!

 

First published in Star Tips For Writers

His Birthday

It falls on Good Friday this year

But fasting is not in our plan

To celebrate with the young man.

We want to have fun while he’s here

Eat heartily, drink lots of beer

And scoff as much cake as we can.

It falls on Good Friday this year

But fasting is not in our plan.

We always have fun when he’s here

And like to go out every night

(As long as the money’s not tight

And the present he wants not too dear.)

It falls on Good Friday this year

But fasting is not in our plan.

The Final Odessey September29, 2017 To the tune of ‘Paddy Works on the Railway’

In nineteen hundred and sixty-one

The great adventure was begun.

The great adventure was begun

When The Zombies got together, together,

And we’ll rejoice forever

That The Zombies got together.

 

In nineteen hundred and sixty-four

Their first hit single opened the door.

Their first hit single opened the door

For the world to hear The Zombies, The Zombies,

The world would hear The Zombies

And everyone loved The Zombies.

 

In nineteen hundred and sixty-five

The Zombies in the U.S. Arrived

The Zombies set the States alive

And everyone loved The Zombies, The Zombies,

They flocked to hear The Zombies

For everyone loved The Zombies.

 

In nineteen hundred and sixty-eight

They released their greatest album to date.

They released their greatest album to date

But it still couldn’t save The Zombies, The Zombies,

For Fate betrayed The Zombies

And that was the end of The Zombies.

 

In nineteen hundred and ninety-seven

There came the release of Zombie Heaven.

There came the release of Zombie Heaven

To bring back some love for The Zombies, The Zombies,

We’d always loved The Zombies,

Now everyone loved The Zombies.

 

At the start of the new century

Rod Argent went touring with Colin B.

Rod Argent went touring with Colin B

For ya canna keep down a Zombie, a Zombie,

We flocked to see our Zombies

For everyone loves a Zombie.

 

And in the year twenty oh four

The three new members came on board.

The three new members came on board

And they toured once again as The Zombies, The Zombies.

We welcomed back The Zombies

For everyone loves The Zombies.

 

‘Twas in the very self-same year

We lost a musician we all held dear.

We lost a musician we all held dear

Paul Atkinson from The Zombies,The Zombies,

We miss him in The Zombies

For we all love all The Zombies.

 

The year two thousand and seventeen

Unites again the original team.

United again the original team

Will play once more as The Zombies, The Zombies,

The founders of The Zombies

Play for the last time as The Zombies.

 

For though Rod Argent and Colin B

Continue with the newer three

This is the last time we shall see

The four original Zombies, The Zombies,

A swan-song for those Zombies

As we say ‘Farewell’ to those Zombies.

 

The London Palladium miracle

The Odessey and Oracle

For one last time brings joy to all

Who are there to hear The Zombies, The Zombies.

We’ll all be with The Zombies

And we’ll always love The Zombies!

In loving memory of Jim Rodford